Escape~

All the words spoken wounded me. Cutting deep into my flesh like a sword. Like a spear.
Their voices stung my ears and ripped through my thoughts.
I couldn't help but believe them. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't escape them.
So badly I wished to forget their lies.
But were they lies?
Yes.
I longed so badly to escape this town. These so familiar streets that I'v walked about a thousand times. 
To run away with my dreams, and never look back.
To run away, far away, and find my place.
Because I knew, still I know, I'm nowhere close to it.

Finding My Goodbyes~

The morning is dim in my eyes as I look across acres of green and dark.
I know he's out there somewhere, watching me with those beautiful but gruesome eyes.
It's Monday. The day I'v been dreading for so long. The day of the goodbyes.
But I put on my boots and wrap my blue sweater around my stomach, bracing myself for the cold, anyway.
The air bites at my cheeks and finger tips as I walk through the grey woods.
Still crunching the new fallen leaves under my weight, I look behind me. I can still see the house, but it won't be long until all I see now, will be swallowed in fog.
Yet still, I face forward, only thinking about what I'm about to do. Not caring about what could happen, or if I'll even come back.
But with every step away from civilization, with every step, its closer to him, and that's all I need.  

Do You Remember?

Do you remember?
All the secrets? All the late nights of us dancing on roof tops?
I dreamed a memory last night, the one where you told me it could never work. The one where you pulled all the strings out of my heart, the ones that kept me from sinking to deep.
  And remember when I ran from your words?
I ran from what I believed was one of your foolish thoughts.
But you caught my eye that night as you chased me down the way, yelling for me to wait.
And when I got home, I swore your name, screaming at your beautiful face while tearing pictures printed in your name.
Oh how I wish I was yours. Because I never was.
Oh how I wish I could unravel every thought of you and me. Erase everything you made me feel.
But the one thing I won't be able to flee, are the memories you gave me.

Breathe~

I struggle, trying so hard to break loose of James' strong grip on my arms as he holds them down across my chest.
I can see his intense blue eyes, they hold me better than his strength can. 
They're almost touching mine as they tell me things he wouldn't ever dare say out loud, no matter how badly I need him to.
But he tells me to "hold on", he tells me to "breathe". So I try, I try until I can't and shut my eyes so he won't see the tears.
But when I hear him say the one thing I never thought existed in his thoughts, I open them. They hold a million tears and secrets I can't see. But then when he says it again, then, I can see it.
I can see all the pain.
How this is hurting him almost as much as it's hurting me.
And I can see that he knows that I can see it. But I wonder... do you think he can see how badly I want to scream, but that the pain is so agonizing I can't find the strength?
I wonder.
I think he can. He always can, no matter the thought.

Yellow Eyes~

"Clara. Clara."
I can hear the whispers slipping into my ears as I go deeper and deeper into the wooden forest. Feeling the shadows overpowering me with every step. But I don't have a choice.
I can feel the heat of the sun against my skin, but when I look up, all that I can see is darkness.
It's a strange thing, so I break for the cave I see hiding behind the overgrown plants that hang from off the rocks.
As I make my way through the darkness, I think about home.
My family, their faces. The boats that fly across the water in the summer. The smell of the ocean in my hair. But I'm pulled out from a sound. And just as I'm about to reach for another stone in the wall, for support from the odd ground, that's when I see them...the yellow eyes that glare at me with hunger.

Music~

It's amazing, the melodies that run throughout that house. They always seem to somehow take your breath away.
I can hear them now....
 the smoothness of the piano's keys hitting every note just perfectly.
The right pitch of a girl's voice singing love songs that remind me of that person.
A guitar chord here and there, how it can just move from one room to the next with no disruptions. 
Oh, how I wish that was me, breathing beautiful new unnamed harmonies into the air as it's then taken into the world by wind creeping in and out from under door frames and window rifts.
I adore just how graceful it makes me feel.
How it makes the people in the streets around me seem so brilliant because I'v been taken over by giddiness.

Magnificences. That's what it is. 

Marvelous sounds of sweetly broken bitterness that haunts you with magnificences until you are summoned to join the actuality of the world and remember scares of the past. 

But that's when I'll turn on my headphones and drowned it out again.

A Moment of A Moment~

As of today, my world will never feel the same. 

As of yesterday, I had never known of such beauty and affection. 

As for tomorrow? 

We will hope, and we will pray, and we will dream, that the beauty and affection won't disappear, but strengthen before our eyes. 

That it will multiply in richer and deeper colors the world has never shown before. 

A desire for love could be a feeling. Or, it could simply just be a moment of a moment, waiting for its time to appear.

On My Way Home....

As I stretch my legs along the white halls, my feet pattering along the cutting cold floor boards, I can hear voices coming from the door of my parents' room.
They are loud whispers, echoing off the large walls and doors.
And then my foot hits a weak spot, making the whole house sound a large creak.
 And then the voices stop, and I can hear their door slowly open as a bright strip of light fills the hall.
  But I hurry down the steps before they have a chance to catch me, fling our screen door open and make an escape to the one I call "home." 

Running~

I'm running. That's all I can seem to grasp. I'm running. And I'm cold – two things, I guess. 

I can feel my fingers and toes beginning to sting with numbness as I run between the white trees with sprouting green buds, and crush the new spring under my boots.

I can hear the way the early-birds sing above me. Their voices soft but sharp in my ears.

I can hear how they stretch from one tree to the next, hundreds of different tones and melodies filling the air, making everything in the forest come to life.

Relationships~

There's something about the way they say my name.
Like they actually mean to take interest in my life.
So I turn, and I give a little smile, hoping to get a few in return.
And when we're talking, when we're listening & laughing, there's a feeling that is so extraordinary, I'd be selfish not to embrace the moment.