~ Promise ~

"Just don't let them change me." her voice was light as she spoke, under the pale sheets.

"Who?" I asked, while watching her eyes glimmer in the shaded moon light. The one shining down through the cracks of my wooden shutters.

"The people, promise me you won't let them. Promise me."

And the way her warm, though melancholy words felt across my cheek.
The way her cold legs felt tangled in mine.
The way her tears looked like sparkles as they slowly slid down the side of her face, landing onto the palm of my hand while my fingers brushed damp strands of hair..... I barely had enough breath to repeat, "promise".

I Think I Might Just Love You~

She was glorious from head to toe.
Her eyes a brilliant baby blue, and her smile more precious than a million gems.
 I couldn't help to stare. I couldn't help the ridiculous look on my face either.
Her movements were just so mysterious, just so lovely.
The way her hands fell and raised with such tact, while her legs danced so gracefully through the grass, made her look so fragile.
"Why do you stare at me like that?" Her expression was so flawless as she asked.
How her eyes rolled up from the ground to the sky. And her lips parted, ever so noticeable, to let her tongue smooth the cracks they held.
She continued her gracefulness as I spoke, "because you're just so breathtaking".
She stopped, and that smile she gave after my words, held my heart with such intensity I couldn't bare to be so far from it any longer.
So I took to my feet and walked to where she stood.
The long brown skirt she wore covered her ankles and there were flower patterns sewn into the fold of her white blouse, just below her collarbone.
She stood, wordless and motionless, as I clasped my hands around hers, slipping my fingers into the spaces between each of them, the spaces they'll always belong.
"Kiss me," she said, tilting her head to the side, readying for her request.
The request of a kiss, the one I'd given to her hundreds of times before.
So I leaned into her, about to steal a moment with her lips, and just before I did, kiss her, I whispered, "I think I might just love you."
With eyes still closed she whispered back, "I think I might just love you more."
And after we'd spoken, after I took her face in my hands and touched her so fine lips with mine, I knew she'd be now.... and forever.... my only desire.

(I Love You) With Every Piece I Have~

Lauren:
He holds me. Just like you would a baby, cradling me in his arms while swaying side to side around the hospital room. I can feel my heart beat running slower every time I try and breathe, and my insides closing in with every step he takes.
And for right now, all I can seem to keep a grip on is how soft his sweatshirt is.
I lifelessly trace circles in the fabric with my finger, keeping my head resting on his chest while I do so. 
Luke:
Her body is thin in my arms. Her weak limbs dangle as we sway. Her face is so pail and her lips are so blue I can barely tell its her, Lauren, the girl with the (literally) broken heart. And her eyes, she can barely keep them open. They're focused on me as I work my hardest not to cry.
Lauren:
He's afraid, theres no way you can miss it.
I watch his eyes. His dark, dark eyes, and how they never let mine drift, until now. But they'll open again, because he's not ready yet, even if I am. He's not ready to hear those high pitched screeches coming from those always lit monitors, and watch them turn off those loud machines that kept us awake every night while keeping me alive.
But they can't keep me alive anymore, the machines. My heart is to broken now, for them to keep my last breath from coming.
He knows, even if he tries not to. We both know, that no matter how hard he try's to keep me awake, I'm still going to die. 
Luke:
Her heart beat's are slowing, her eyes are more heavy, her breathing is lighting into gasps. And all I can do is watch. All I can do is nothing as my girl gets stolen from me, right before my eyes.
Its soon, probably now, probably within these last few minutes we get alone.
Alone, without nurses, or doctors, or counselors. Just me and lauren.
And soon to be just me with a body I won't want to put down, because they're gonna pack her away, send her somewhere dark and scary. And then I'll have to face the truth about what has just happened.
No. Just one more moment. Just one more, then she can go.
Lauren: 
He's crying now. And I can feel my body going numb.
"I imagine it being just like falling asleep," a girl had told me while we sat, both waiting for our EKG tests. "I hope it's fast," that broke my heart, because I knew it wouldn't be fast.
I knew because I had been told everything I needed to know, because I had asked them to tell me.
I regretted it after, I don't regret it now. Because now I am prepared.
Oh how I wish Luke was there with me when they told me. Then maybe he wouldn't be as sad now.
I can't feel his sweatshirt anymore, so my finger drops into place. "I'm gonna let go now," I tell him with barely any voice. 
Luke:
"I love you Lauren Craw, I love you with every piece I have."
Lauren:
Tears fall down my cheeks. Tears that belongs to me. "I love you too, Lucas Blue." 
Luke: 
"Okay, go now,"
Lauren:
So I go.

Racing To Nowhere~

"How fast can you run?"  For some odd reason, his question had made me smile.
"Fast," my fact had made him smirk.  I watched as his hand moved from his side to his hip. To his hip, to his neck to his lips. 
"Show me," he said pulling his fingers just an inch from his mouth.
I could still see his flawless smirk behind his dark hand. His eyes studying mine like they were the only two things in this world, and if I knew Vince, that meant a challenge. 
"Fine," I'd said, tilting my head to the side, "Race me."
And just like that we were off, racing into fields that held the smell of recently cut grass and the sight of an open sky above, holding nothing but a single cloud.
He hadn't even let me call go before his feet were already hitting the ground like lightening and his laugh howling to me from ahead.
I still won though.  

From Under the Sea~

I can feel my breath running out quickly.
The water blinding my eyes with salt.
I try to push my way up and out from it's grip –the tide– but it's too strong.
It has me, and it's not going to let go.
I watch my hands reach for the rippling sky above, praying that someone might come to my rescue. 
But no, the darkness just grows darker and the pressure just becomes more noticeable. 
I cant anymore. I have to, so I take my first breath I'v ever taken under water.
It is thick, not just in my lungs, but everywhere.
It is horrid and painful.
I try not to cry -can you even cry underwater?- I try to be brave, but brave has never been a history of mine, so I begin to scream.
I hear it through my ears. 
I hear the agonizing pain it holds. I feel it too. 
I feel my regret as it sinks in, and for this short time I have left, I despise myself deeply for what I'v done.
Can't you feel it? I hear a voice ask me as I let the water take me.
Isn't this what you wanted?
But it isn't, not anymore. I want to go home. I want my family.
But it's too late for that now, I am to a part of the ocean.
And it doesn't care what it does with me, whether throwing me around to rock after rock, or feeding me to the creatures I don't know to swim below.
I'm falling silently now.
My eyes are heavier and my limbs don't care about the sky above.
Actually, I should say can't care, they can't care, because they're too groggy to understand anymore.
So I let myself take one more breath, hoping that that will be the end, hoping that death will come.
It does.

A Burning Village~

The battle cries have hushed a bit and the shooting and booming of guns and canons has stopped, but the fire they started is still at intense levels. 

It ripples through the trees like a wave, catching and taking down anything -and everything- in it's path with intensity. 

My home, the forest, is being slaughtered before my eyes. Stolen, by evil things of flame. I stand and watch by the lukewarm window. 

All I can do is watch as white clouds of ash fall like snow all around, counting the minutes, my heart dropping ever so low with each second. 

I can feel my eyes prickling with tears, ones that threaten to fall every time a tree does.

Not many of us made it out. The Bennett's, I can see their house now. I can see the way the flames enjoy the old, rotting wood and thin frail walls. 

The Smiths and their seven children, too, never entered the Cadres Building. 

Half the Village is probably dead by now. 

I let some tears fall, but only a few, because I know if I allow any more, I won't be able to stop them. I mourn silently for the ones I knew and loved so dear. The ones who I will never see again.  

And as I do, I recoil a bit, because someone has caught my hand. The touch is rough, but I don't look over to see who it belongs to, because I already know. 

"Where do you suppose they are now?" I ask as I wipe the tears from my face with my free hand. 

"Dead," his words are there, deep and truthful (just like everything he says). I knew what he'd say, but it still surprises me.
Finally I look to him, bracing myself for the beauty. 

The reflection of the fires, I can see them in his eyes. Hues of orange and yellow swallowing all the hazel they hold, but his gaze is still the same. 

Gently, and beautiful they stare into me, trying to capture as much information as they can possibly hold. 

"Dead, of course, but what about after death? What happens to them then?" My voice is faint as I ask.
"Nothing. Nothing happenes Annie," my heart lowers, because I know he'll never believe what I believe. "But maybe. Maybe there is something," he adds.
It's hauntingly impressive, the way he can read me like a book with just one look. 

It's touching, so delicate, how its so easy to feel absolutely safe with him (my vulnerability making it even easier). 

He mostly just finds pain though. Mostly from the past. 

But once in a great while he'll find something new. Something I won't even realize is there until he points it out. 

He'll find happiness. Just a smidgen of it. But that smidgen, the one I need so desperately right now, he won't find it for awhile. It's been burned down so deep into the gravel by the fire that has killed everything I'v ever loved. 

Except for him. I still have him. So I guess now we'll just run away, because there's nothing left for us here. 

"It's time to go," he says grabbing my other hand, "say goodbye," and I do.  

Down by The River...

I watch as she steps from one stone to the next, counting each one as she does.
Her thin, sickly skinny hands hold up her skirt.
Not a lot, just enough to keep the water from soaking the champagne colored lace that is sewn to the bottom.
And as she does so, her voice sounds a lullaby.
A simple, quiet hum of a tune keeps vibrating behind her lips, and only her lips.
One that fills in the missing sounds nature doesn't supply.
Though she never sings the words anymore.
Always a hum.
I wish she did, the words are such poetry, such magnificentce.
And so delicate, her voice. So clean-cut and never ragged.
It always came so naturally to her.
Oh, how I miss it, her musical tongue. How I miss the proud glow on her face after she'd hit the one note that troubled her the most.
But at least she hasn't lost the will of music. At least it didn't steal that from her, the fever.
The retched sickness that still lingers in her. That still punches her awake every now and then, leaving her all sweaty and screaming, in the middle of a fine night.
She's dying, I know that much, even though I don't accept it.
She'll be forever gone in only a few short months.
So I'll croon along with her. Harmonizing her lone melodies. I will now, tomorrow, and after she has gone.
Because she is mine to never forget.

Granting Forgiveness~

I sit across from the stone.
The stone that holds his name, date of birth and date of death.
I sit there so still, so quiet, I think the air has stopped breathing too.
I watch as memory after memory flashes through my mind faster than lighting.
I see him laughing. His warm brown eyes on my lashes, watching them; studying them. His content keeping me content.
Those moments were always perfect.
Always taking me by surprise.
I swear there was never a flawless moment with that boy, only the one where he held the gun thinking it was broken and shot me in the gut.
I can still feel his tears slipping down my cheeks as he cradled me in that puddle of red liquid.
His hands beating on my chest after I stopped breathing.
The thoughts shake the wood of my cascet under his knees.
He's been searching for another memory that doesn't end with me laying dead on the gore covered floor. He's been searching for forgiveness that's already been granted.
I stand over him, invisible to the living, my lips pressed to his temple, my hands on his cheeks.
I watch as the letters fade into smooth marble then begin to imprint my name, my date of birth, my date of death. 
I understand now why I saw his name at first.
I understand why when I was the one breathing, everyone and everything seemed despicable. Because the second that bullet knocked me dead, it knocked him dead too.
He can still breathe.
He can still fall in love, even though he's chosen not to. Not yet, but eventually he will. He'll find a girl, they'll get married, have children.
He can still breathe.
He can still love.
But he hasn't yet, and I despise him for not.
So I kiss him once more. I feel his skin graze against me, one last time. Just once, before I pull away and show my shadow down to where my bones and rotting flesh lay in a silk lined box with stale, wilted flower petals covering my chest.
Where my light green dress is beginning to fade of its color along with my dark brown curls.
I'm pulling away, so he can move forward.

How She Feels~

Ashamed.
That's how she feels. That's how she feels for not saying what she needs to depart from her thoughts.
A coward, a sinner, not worthy. 
That's what she sees when she looks into mirrors.
But when I look at her, when I look at her I see broken, confused, afraid.
Love, it won't fix her... completely.
Patients & strength, they're what she has. Hope, is what she needs. Understanding, it's what she longs for.

Bullet to Bone~

I don't shift as the load locks.
I don't blink as the bullet pierces my bone.
I fall to the ground with pride because that's how I told her I'd die, if I died.
That's how I wanted to be remembered, with not a pinch of fear showing on the outside, but all of me shivering on the in.

Dear Delilah~

Bliss begs to strive through the hole where you left me, had to leave me, or else where would we be?
Holding up only by strands of thread?
I grew because of you, I hope you know that.
I loved through you, although you already knew that.
But you're gone now, so I should move on.
But still I'll wait just a moment, before I let you go forever, and find someone better, but she'll never be better, no one will, ever.
I'll wait 'til I know for sure you're not going to return. Claim me as yours again.
Please come back for me. 
Because nothing is right now that you're gone.

                                                         Love the boy whose heart you still hold.                                                                                             

Grace~

She can only remember the love.
And maybe the pine needles. 
The people and the way that their eyes sparkled with secrets and how they were always swallowed in tears.
But still, grace danced through their bodies, and hope ran in their smiles.
Happiness was hers then, not so much now, now that she's gone.
But she's on her way. She will find a way back, someday.

Golden Girl~

Pale skin and green eyed. 

She'd been polished to the bone and layered with eyeliner at least a dozen times. 

She wore a lace dress with a light purple bow tied around her waist. 
Her bangs had been curled and the rest of her hair put into a bun, just like the one my sister had always worn.  

The way she was, it took my breath away. 

I was speechless, because she was gloriously golden.

Nightmares~

Coming From Dylan:
My hair is damp and my eyes are wide. My head no longer lays on its soft pillow that is now soaked in sweat, but is propped up into the cold night air of my bedroom.
The nightmares are no longer a part of me, the ones with the monsters dressed in uniforms, and who hold guns to our heads, killing all but me.
Why not me?
But still they linger through my recent memories. 
My screams have stopped and I've managed to slow my heart a bit, but I'm still shaking. 
"Dylan?" I hear Hannah's voice come through the darkness and land on my face. "Are you okay?" She asks, but I'm not okay, so I don't answer her. 
I must have been so deep in thought for a moment, because I didn't even notice her hands touching my cheeks, until now.
I think she could feel me shivering under the sheets because I can feel her hands fall from my face, to down my arms and slip between my fingers as she makes her way into the empty space behind me.
She lays her arms across mine and rests her head on my back. 
Holding me tightly with her touch, she hums to me.
When she first casts the strange, unfamiliar melodies I've never heard before into the air, I plunge my arms into my chest, afraid that the gorgeous sounds might hurt me.
But then, as they catch in my ears, I pull away my arms, because they aren't threatening, but simply grand. 
I feel foolish for a second. Because of how I'm not strong enough to be able to fall asleep alone.
Because how I need someone else's words to calm me.
But it's okay after a while, and I make a note in my head: don't be afraid to ask for help. My eyes begin to drift –as does my mind– but before I have the chance to fall back into the darkness of my own memories, I hear her.
Sweet and beautiful, "It's okay. It's okay you're home, you're safe now. You're safe with me."
And just then, I make another mental note: never let Hannah Thompson go. 

Love In a Small Town~

Say goodbye to late night fights, broken hearts, and little inside jokes.
Laying underneath dark starry skies, in your old blue pickup truck where you kissed me till the sun came up.
Say goodbye to you and I.

Escape~

All the words spoken wounded me. Cutting deep into my flesh like a sword. Like a spear.
Their voices stung my ears and ripped through my thoughts.
I couldn't help but believe them. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't escape them.
So badly I wished to forget their lies.
But were they lies?
Yes.
I longed so badly to escape this town. These so familiar streets that I'v walked about a thousand times. 
To run away with my dreams, and never look back.
To run away, far away, and find my place.
Because I knew, still I know, I'm nowhere close to it.

Finding My Goodbyes~

The morning is dim in my eyes as I look across acres of green and dark.
I know he's out there somewhere, watching me with those beautiful but gruesome eyes.
It's Monday. The day I'v been dreading for so long. The day of the goodbyes.
But I put on my boots and wrap my blue sweater around my stomach, bracing myself for the cold, anyway.
The air bites at my cheeks and finger tips as I walk through the grey woods.
Still crunching the new fallen leaves under my weight, I look behind me. I can still see the house, but it won't be long until all I see now, will be swallowed in fog.
Yet still, I face forward, only thinking about what I'm about to do. Not caring about what could happen, or if I'll even come back.
But with every step away from civilization, with every step, its closer to him, and that's all I need.  

Do You Remember?

Do you remember?
All the secrets? All the late nights of us dancing on roof tops?
I dreamed a memory last night, the one where you told me it could never work. The one where you pulled all the strings out of my heart, the ones that kept me from sinking to deep.
  And remember when I ran from your words?
I ran from what I believed was one of your foolish thoughts.
But you caught my eye that night as you chased me down the way, yelling for me to wait.
And when I got home, I swore your name, screaming at your beautiful face while tearing pictures printed in your name.
Oh how I wish I was yours. Because I never was.
Oh how I wish I could unravel every thought of you and me. Erase everything you made me feel.
But the one thing I won't be able to flee, are the memories you gave me.

Breathe~

I struggle, trying so hard to break loose of James' strong grip on my arms as he holds them down across my chest.
I can see his intense blue eyes, they hold me better than his strength can. 
They're almost touching mine as they tell me things he wouldn't ever dare say out loud, no matter how badly I need him to.
But he tells me to "hold on", he tells me to "breathe". So I try, I try until I can't and shut my eyes so he won't see the tears.
But when I hear him say the one thing I never thought existed in his thoughts, I open them. They hold a million tears and secrets I can't see. But then when he says it again, then, I can see it.
I can see all the pain.
How this is hurting him almost as much as it's hurting me.
And I can see that he knows that I can see it. But I wonder... do you think he can see how badly I want to scream, but that the pain is so agonizing I can't find the strength?
I wonder.
I think he can. He always can, no matter the thought.

Yellow Eyes~

"Clara. Clara."
I can hear the whispers slipping into my ears as I go deeper and deeper into the wooden forest. Feeling the shadows overpowering me with every step. But I don't have a choice.
I can feel the heat of the sun against my skin, but when I look up, all that I can see is darkness.
It's a strange thing, so I break for the cave I see hiding behind the overgrown plants that hang from off the rocks.
As I make my way through the darkness, I think about home.
My family, their faces. The boats that fly across the water in the summer. The smell of the ocean in my hair. But I'm pulled out from a sound. And just as I'm about to reach for another stone in the wall, for support from the odd ground, that's when I see them...the yellow eyes that glare at me with hunger.

Music~

It's amazing, the melodies that run throughout that house. They always seem to somehow take your breath away.
I can hear them now....
 the smoothness of the piano's keys hitting every note just perfectly.
The right pitch of a girl's voice singing love songs that remind me of that person.
A guitar chord here and there, how it can just move from one room to the next with no disruptions. 
Oh, how I wish that was me, breathing beautiful new unnamed harmonies into the air as it's then taken into the world by wind creeping in and out from under door frames and window rifts.
I adore just how graceful it makes me feel.
How it makes the people in the streets around me seem so brilliant because I'v been taken over by giddiness.

Magnificences. That's what it is. 

Marvelous sounds of sweetly broken bitterness that haunts you with magnificences until you are summoned to join the actuality of the world and remember scares of the past. 

But that's when I'll turn on my headphones and drowned it out again.

A Moment of A Moment~

As of today, my world will never feel the same. 

As of yesterday, I had never known of such beauty and affection. 

As for tomorrow? 

We will hope, and we will pray, and we will dream, that the beauty and affection won't disappear, but strengthen before our eyes. 

That it will multiply in richer and deeper colors the world has never shown before. 

A desire for love could be a feeling. Or, it could simply just be a moment of a moment, waiting for its time to appear.

On My Way Home....

As I stretch my legs along the white halls, my feet pattering along the cutting cold floor boards, I can hear voices coming from the door of my parents' room.
They are loud whispers, echoing off the large walls and doors.
And then my foot hits a weak spot, making the whole house sound a large creak.
 And then the voices stop, and I can hear their door slowly open as a bright strip of light fills the hall.
  But I hurry down the steps before they have a chance to catch me, fling our screen door open and make an escape to the one I call "home." 

Running~

I'm running. That's all I can seem to grasp. I'm running. And I'm cold – two things, I guess. 

I can feel my fingers and toes beginning to sting with numbness as I run between the white trees with sprouting green buds, and crush the new spring under my boots.

I can hear the way the early-birds sing above me. Their voices soft but sharp in my ears.

I can hear how they stretch from one tree to the next, hundreds of different tones and melodies filling the air, making everything in the forest come to life.

Relationships~

There's something about the way they say my name.
Like they actually mean to take interest in my life.
So I turn, and I give a little smile, hoping to get a few in return.
And when we're talking, when we're listening & laughing, there's a feeling that is so extraordinary, I'd be selfish not to embrace the moment.